I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
