New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
