If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
