I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
