So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I love you.
Bad choice
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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