I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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