His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
this hospital has no fireball
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You did what with his pubic hair?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize