There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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