I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Can I color on your dick again?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
