would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
