I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
