is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
