I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
