Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
