I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
