Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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