How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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