Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
