so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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