my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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