There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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