My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
