you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There's always time for handjobs
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
