we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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