I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
