watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
