so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my sisters under your porch take her home
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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