tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
