if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
