Can i not drive my cunt home
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
