We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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