I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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