marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
