Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
