new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And my parents said I crawled through the house
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
