Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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