You don't have asthma, your pregnant
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize