Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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