shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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