before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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