omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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