just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
