apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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