Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
