We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
