There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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