I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
