I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
