is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
