Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
