I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
what day is it and did you see me today?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
