I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
