It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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