Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
