Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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