Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
