morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
try to milk me bitch
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