anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
