I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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