I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize