Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
