Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
