You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
handjob tips. give me some.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Drunk is not a location!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
