I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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