you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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