i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Holy shit dude........stairs
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