He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
