i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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