You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
