I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do vagina's smell?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
