I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize